Structure

I have been thinking about the concept of structure today, and how difficult it is for so many people to live healthy, happy lives, because so many the basic structures of the past have become obsolete or simply eroded. I am referring to things like the structures of day to day life....keeping house, for example. Or diet- what IS a good diet?. Or just when to go to bed at night! Our circadian rhythms are generally out of kilter, and it feeds through to so many aspects of our lives and creates chaos and a sense of insecurity, and out of touchness.
I have been reading a book called Lights Out, Sugar, Sleep and Survival by Wiley and Formby, and it is a fascinating book about the effect that electric lighting of the last 80 years or so, and the excessive consumption of carbohydrates (in particular pure sugar) that has paralleled it, is having on our health. And all the misinformation that is out there to encourage people to eat low fat diets, which means high carbs.
So much change has happened in such a short period of time, and the rate of change is quickening too, in the sense of technological change.
But what I wanted to write about was how so many people's lives lack structure, in a healthy way. I really realized that I wasn't alone in this when after many years of struggling with doing housework, I came across Flylady, and her attitude and the easy to follow structure that she recommended changed my life. It really did. I suddenly realized I wasn't stupid or incompetent, I just hadn't been taught how to keep a house running by my parents. I wasnt taught about routines. And my mother had not taught me very well, because her mother had not valued housekeeping because she was a career mother and feminist, so housekeeping was a necessary evil, not a blessing to pass on to your family. Something like that, anyway, I haven't asked my mother about it, I have just surmised- she paid for a housecleaner a lot of my childhood. The structure of how to housekeep was not passed down to me, anyway, and learning from scratch has been quite a mammoth task!
The loss of religion, of small town communities, of outer structure, has led to so much break down in our society. But I don't think we should replace outdated or outgrown structures with new structures designed by other people, who soon become authorities....it seems to me it is time for everyone to find their own values, let go of structures that are no longer valid, but replace them with structures that are meaningful to them. Like community events, and family rituals.
Children especially thrive on daily rhythms as structure, but I have found that I do too! I have a resistance to being structured from without, but I have found that a dose of discipline and some conscious structuring of my life makes all the difference to my wellbeing and that of my family.
We can see what happens when children are left to drift without strong, healthy structures. We see teenagers in the shopping centres looking sullen and arrogant, hanging out. We know about negative peer pressure, the drug culture, crime gangs. Children and teenagers need meaningful activities, to feel a part of something bigger than themselves, and unless adults provide it...some sort of structure....children will naturally drift toward the strongest influence in their lives which does give them some sense of meaning and belonging. And we know that is often not a good thing. That's why kids need time in their families, not just bought things and sent off to play. It's the doing of time in the family that builds that inner sense of security and structure.
Constant chaos is just not a pleasant way to live, and I know because I have been there. A continuing, always present in the background sense of overwhelm, and not being caught up. I know there are plenty of people who could do with a healthy dose of letting go, rather than structure, but there may be some area in their life that this is relevant anyway. I dont know. I would call myself a free spirit type of person...I dont like external authority, I dont like to be told what to do, what to eat, where to be, what time to go to bed...I like my "freedom". But it took me two small children to realise, I need some discipline here to keep together a sense of stability rather than chaos in their life. And then I looked around and saw many people suffering from lack of healthy discipline and structure.
When I say discipline, its not about forcing oneself to do what one doesn't want to do. Partly, its about just growing up and doing what needs to be done, because the consequences of not doing it- washing the dishes, putting out the rubbish, or doing an assignment- are more unpleasant than the action of doing it. We all know the feeling of accomplishment of waking up to a clean kitchen as opposed to leaving the dishes till morning. Its also about forming new habits. We are so ingrained in lazy or ineffective habits which actually work against us- for example, eating junk food rather than making a healthy meal- that it does take some shift to grow a new habit.
And that brings up another issue. Are we worth it? Instead of seeing ourselves as worth making a healthy meal for, we instead tell ourselves a lie- I "deserve" this junk food, I will reward myself with it. We are all mixed up. The one chocolate bar or junky meal easily turns into a bad habit, and we are on a downward slope. How to get out of that? Somewhere along the line, we have to care about ourselves enough....or, at least care about our children enough to change.
Anyway I am rambling. I just wanted to write out what I had been thinking about today. i will come back and read it later and se if it makes sense!